Dumb ficlet alert!
Mar. 26th, 2003 06:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lady_t_220I see Alan Cumming's slated to appear on Friday Night with Jonathan Ross on the 4th April.
My guess goes for it being some X2 plugging at long last. I'm still hoping for a repeat interview with Hugh though, but I don't know if that'll happen. Have to see closer to the time I guess.
Cause darnit, I want more stupid chat that results in a musical version of the vagina monologues!
Oh, and the random person who said hello to me yesterday? I think... I thiiink it was Leanne. Rachael's friend or, more accurately, that girl Rachael's known since junior school even though she annoys the crap out her.
Which explains why I didn't recognise her. I've only actually met her twice, and both of them I was kind of drunk. Her, on the other hand, she remembers everbody.
Changing the subject, I've said often that inspiration strikes me at work because I have very little else to think about. Well yesterday I had an idea while I was making the bed in room 11 and pondering the changes they're making to the Wolverine comics. I was very bored and the premise of it made me laugh.
So now... from the desk of LT we proudly present...
A Monstrously Stupid But Moderately Topical Ficlet!
By LT
Disclaimer: No muses were harmed during the writing of this storyline.
The sentinel loomed above him, flickering blue and white in the lightening-torn sky. Rain hurled down from above, splattering into Logan's eyes and making it impossible to see, leaving only the shadow of the great, hulking beast visible through the torrential downpour.
He heard the noises of battle, the grunts and screams, the crackle of the storm... Metal groaned as the lethal robotic creations moved across the broken buildings, crushing brick and glass under their feet. Six of them in all, laying waste to the city skyline.
He couldn't move... The weight of fallen rubble across his chest was too much for him to lift alone and the rest of the team were still too busy fighting for their lives to stop and help him. He strained crushed limbs under the pressing force of concrete, struggling and getting nowhere as the robots marched on.
Unstoppable...
He struggled with the fury of a desperate man, but it was already too late. He barely had time to scream before the sentinel raised its foot in a slow, ponderous arc, pausing for a split second before bringing it down again directly on top of him.
It was then that everything went very, very black.
---
"Oh! You're just the mutant I wanted to see. This saves me the effort of manifesting."
Logan blinked in the sudden brightness, squinting slightly as a white and gold robed figure floated softly to the ground before him, gigantic, pearly feather wings fluttering slightly as they folded behind his back.
Logan just stared.
The angel pursed his lips and consulted the blue plastic clipboard in his hands, pulling out a pen from where it was tucked behind his left ear.
"Logan, right?"
Logan nodded dumbly and the angel smiled.
"Just the person I wanted. I need to go through some things with you. We need to discuss your life so far."
He flipped over the first couple of pages on his clipboard, scribbling some notes before drawing his eyebrows together in a frown.
"You've been really put through the wringer haven't you...? let's see now... amnesia, pain, torture, both mental and physical, scientific experiments, death threats, near death, actual death, life after death, resurrection, reversion to a bestial state, mortal enemies, a whole page of lost lovers, vengeance, retribution and, you poor bastard, you're just really quite unpleasantly ugly these days aren't you?"
The angel ruffled his wings.
"Uh..." Logan blinked at him. "Am I dead...?"
The angel looked quite shocked
"Dead...? Good Lord, no. Just knocked out for a while. Perfect time to get a hold of you actually, I was just working out the best time to manifest myself and you've saved me the trouble. Just consider this your halfway review point. Your life, you see, is about to end up in the hands of... another."
Logan swallowed.
"You mean Satan...?"
"Greg Rucka," said the angel. "I wouldn't classify him as Satan, though it is quite evil how you really do look like a little hairy frog person. But for that I'm blaming Robertson, so I shouldn't worry too much, he'll get his turn..."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Logan
"I know you don't," the angel replied, flipping through the papers on his clipboard.
"I think I must be dead..."
"For the last time, you're not dead!" the angel snapped. "You'd think you'd recognise it by now, you've done it enough times."
He flipped through his papers a little more. "Now, where were we? Oh yes... demonic possession. Well, close to anyway. No one in their right mind would wear a skull as a codpiece so we'll count it..."
"Excuse me," said Logan.
The angel glanced up at him.
"Yes?"
"What, exactly, is going on?"
The angel breathed a long sigh.
"As I already said, it's your halfway review point. You're going into the hands of a new writer so we want to take stock of everything that's already happened to you so we can try not to duplicate it. Though frankly it's getting pretty bloody difficult."
"Oh."
Logan thought about that for a second.
"You mean, you could make good things happen to me instead of all the pain and turmoil?"
The angel looked thoughtful.
"Well, theoretically... but that doesn't keep up the readership."
"Readership?"
"Don't worry about it. So, where were we... done demonic possession, so next we have-"
"Hold on a second," Logan interrupted.
The angel rolled his eyes. Logan scowled.
"You mean you're telling me you have the power to make it all happiness and sunlight from here on out, and you're taking stock of all the unpleasant things that have happened in my life already so you can think up some new ones instead?"
The angel shrugged.
"Such is your life. Don't feel too bad though, in fanfiction terms you still get laid far more than any other X-Man. Enjoy the kicks where you can get 'em."
Logan shook his head. "I still have no idea what you're talking about."
The angel shrugged again. "This I knew."
He went back to his clipboard.
"Let's see now... we've done big teams, little teams, dynamic duos, solo wanderings, crossovers, pasts, presents, futures, alternate timelines, parallel dimensions, places that aren't even within the scope of the space-time continuum, places that never really existed, places that existed for a while but were erased when the timelines got changed, places you don't remember, places you do remember, places you think you remember but you've actually never been because your brain resembles cottage cheese..."
Logan scowled. "Hey!"
The angel glared at him.
"You've been a noble samurai, an overgrown hulking moron, an ass, a redneck, a soft-hearted fluff-ball, an uncontrolled ball of rage, a father, an introvert, an extrovert, abducted by aliens... repeatedly... you've lost a nose, a couple of eyeballs, several other assorted body parts, an arm... Frankly I'm amazed there's any original parts left."
Logan slowly raised one eyebrow fixing the angle with a meaningful stare.
The angel ignored him.
"This list goes on forever. Look, let's just skip the formalities and get you to sign the bottom here. We'll just assume you've done all this crap and if we missed anything we can duplicate it later and use the amnesia clause to make it seem like an original idea, ok...?"
Logan just stared at him.
The angel huffed.
"Look, just sign the stupid contract then we can both get out of here."
Logan slowly reached for the pen the angel was offering, never taking his eyes off the winged creature as he scrawled his name along the bottom of the contract.
The angel smiled slyly, a cunning grin splitting his face as he began to laugh.
Logan watched in utter confusion as the angel turned into the cackling face of Joe Quesada, then promptly vanished in a large puff of brimstone.
"Well that was odd..." he mused as the bright white surroundings slowly faded back into darkness.
My guess goes for it being some X2 plugging at long last. I'm still hoping for a repeat interview with Hugh though, but I don't know if that'll happen. Have to see closer to the time I guess.
Cause darnit, I want more stupid chat that results in a musical version of the vagina monologues!
Oh, and the random person who said hello to me yesterday? I think... I thiiink it was Leanne. Rachael's friend or, more accurately, that girl Rachael's known since junior school even though she annoys the crap out her.
Which explains why I didn't recognise her. I've only actually met her twice, and both of them I was kind of drunk. Her, on the other hand, she remembers everbody.
Changing the subject, I've said often that inspiration strikes me at work because I have very little else to think about. Well yesterday I had an idea while I was making the bed in room 11 and pondering the changes they're making to the Wolverine comics. I was very bored and the premise of it made me laugh.
So now... from the desk of LT we proudly present...
By LT
Disclaimer: No muses were harmed during the writing of this storyline.
The sentinel loomed above him, flickering blue and white in the lightening-torn sky. Rain hurled down from above, splattering into Logan's eyes and making it impossible to see, leaving only the shadow of the great, hulking beast visible through the torrential downpour.
He heard the noises of battle, the grunts and screams, the crackle of the storm... Metal groaned as the lethal robotic creations moved across the broken buildings, crushing brick and glass under their feet. Six of them in all, laying waste to the city skyline.
He couldn't move... The weight of fallen rubble across his chest was too much for him to lift alone and the rest of the team were still too busy fighting for their lives to stop and help him. He strained crushed limbs under the pressing force of concrete, struggling and getting nowhere as the robots marched on.
Unstoppable...
He struggled with the fury of a desperate man, but it was already too late. He barely had time to scream before the sentinel raised its foot in a slow, ponderous arc, pausing for a split second before bringing it down again directly on top of him.
It was then that everything went very, very black.
"Oh! You're just the mutant I wanted to see. This saves me the effort of manifesting."
Logan blinked in the sudden brightness, squinting slightly as a white and gold robed figure floated softly to the ground before him, gigantic, pearly feather wings fluttering slightly as they folded behind his back.
Logan just stared.
The angel pursed his lips and consulted the blue plastic clipboard in his hands, pulling out a pen from where it was tucked behind his left ear.
"Logan, right?"
Logan nodded dumbly and the angel smiled.
"Just the person I wanted. I need to go through some things with you. We need to discuss your life so far."
He flipped over the first couple of pages on his clipboard, scribbling some notes before drawing his eyebrows together in a frown.
"You've been really put through the wringer haven't you...? let's see now... amnesia, pain, torture, both mental and physical, scientific experiments, death threats, near death, actual death, life after death, resurrection, reversion to a bestial state, mortal enemies, a whole page of lost lovers, vengeance, retribution and, you poor bastard, you're just really quite unpleasantly ugly these days aren't you?"
The angel ruffled his wings.
"Uh..." Logan blinked at him. "Am I dead...?"
The angel looked quite shocked
"Dead...? Good Lord, no. Just knocked out for a while. Perfect time to get a hold of you actually, I was just working out the best time to manifest myself and you've saved me the trouble. Just consider this your halfway review point. Your life, you see, is about to end up in the hands of... another."
Logan swallowed.
"You mean Satan...?"
"Greg Rucka," said the angel. "I wouldn't classify him as Satan, though it is quite evil how you really do look like a little hairy frog person. But for that I'm blaming Robertson, so I shouldn't worry too much, he'll get his turn..."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," said Logan
"I know you don't," the angel replied, flipping through the papers on his clipboard.
"I think I must be dead..."
"For the last time, you're not dead!" the angel snapped. "You'd think you'd recognise it by now, you've done it enough times."
He flipped through his papers a little more. "Now, where were we? Oh yes... demonic possession. Well, close to anyway. No one in their right mind would wear a skull as a codpiece so we'll count it..."
"Excuse me," said Logan.
The angel glanced up at him.
"Yes?"
"What, exactly, is going on?"
The angel breathed a long sigh.
"As I already said, it's your halfway review point. You're going into the hands of a new writer so we want to take stock of everything that's already happened to you so we can try not to duplicate it. Though frankly it's getting pretty bloody difficult."
"Oh."
Logan thought about that for a second.
"You mean, you could make good things happen to me instead of all the pain and turmoil?"
The angel looked thoughtful.
"Well, theoretically... but that doesn't keep up the readership."
"Readership?"
"Don't worry about it. So, where were we... done demonic possession, so next we have-"
"Hold on a second," Logan interrupted.
The angel rolled his eyes. Logan scowled.
"You mean you're telling me you have the power to make it all happiness and sunlight from here on out, and you're taking stock of all the unpleasant things that have happened in my life already so you can think up some new ones instead?"
The angel shrugged.
"Such is your life. Don't feel too bad though, in fanfiction terms you still get laid far more than any other X-Man. Enjoy the kicks where you can get 'em."
Logan shook his head. "I still have no idea what you're talking about."
The angel shrugged again. "This I knew."
He went back to his clipboard.
"Let's see now... we've done big teams, little teams, dynamic duos, solo wanderings, crossovers, pasts, presents, futures, alternate timelines, parallel dimensions, places that aren't even within the scope of the space-time continuum, places that never really existed, places that existed for a while but were erased when the timelines got changed, places you don't remember, places you do remember, places you think you remember but you've actually never been because your brain resembles cottage cheese..."
Logan scowled. "Hey!"
The angel glared at him.
"You've been a noble samurai, an overgrown hulking moron, an ass, a redneck, a soft-hearted fluff-ball, an uncontrolled ball of rage, a father, an introvert, an extrovert, abducted by aliens... repeatedly... you've lost a nose, a couple of eyeballs, several other assorted body parts, an arm... Frankly I'm amazed there's any original parts left."
Logan slowly raised one eyebrow fixing the angle with a meaningful stare.
The angel ignored him.
"This list goes on forever. Look, let's just skip the formalities and get you to sign the bottom here. We'll just assume you've done all this crap and if we missed anything we can duplicate it later and use the amnesia clause to make it seem like an original idea, ok...?"
Logan just stared at him.
The angel huffed.
"Look, just sign the stupid contract then we can both get out of here."
Logan slowly reached for the pen the angel was offering, never taking his eyes off the winged creature as he scrawled his name along the bottom of the contract.
The angel smiled slyly, a cunning grin splitting his face as he began to laugh.
Logan watched in utter confusion as the angel turned into the cackling face of Joe Quesada, then promptly vanished in a large puff of brimstone.
"Well that was odd..." he mused as the bright white surroundings slowly faded back into darkness.
