Meme pinched from kestral_

[lady_t_220]

1) what would you do if you were attacked by a werewolf?

Assume Van Helsing would turn up in time to rescue me (like with the zombies) and then we could begin once more with the rampant fornication.

2.) what's the FUNNIEST part of the term "phillips head screwdriver"?

*heh* You said head...
*is five*

3.) if someone gave you a raft, a gun, and a vintage uniform, would you go storm the beach at normandy and just tell everyone that you were "really late"?

Well obviously. Then the French would surrender because they're not very good at wars and such, so then I'd legally force them to drink Australian wine because it would be funny to watch them get all pissed off about it.

4.) if you could steal the shoes of any person, living or dead, who's shoes would you steal and why?

Anyone currently wearing "dead bunny" slippers. I have regular bunny slippers but man, I so want dead bunnies... green ones... with big Xs where their eyes should be and roadkill red innard-coloured fuzz where you stick your feet. :D Yes I know I'm sick and perverted. But someone should totally fucking make those.

5.) explain why YOU think that RED is the international symbol for STOP

Because it's the colour of your splattered innards when you get hit by a train because you didn't stop nat that last crossing...

6.) if i were the ghost of abraham lincoln i would ______________.

Flounce about the white house in a black leather basque and fishnets, tormenting Bush with my riding crop and forcing him to question his sanity.

7.) muhammad ali in his prime? or antilock brakes?

Generally, you can't stop a car with Ali, but you could probably win a fight by weilding antilock breaks at someone else's head.

8.) how many times have you thrown a video game controller at your brother / sister / cleaning lady?

An amazing total of none. If only because we never had video games as kids and we would both have totally been to anal retentive to damage electrical equipment. (really, it's a family thing.)

9.) name one thing that your mother was TOTALLY wrong about concerning panhandlers

That they're all essentially good people down on their luck and just need a step up...? Or something like that anyway. She didn't really seem to take into account the crazy ones who shout at you a lot...

10.) who's skull would you rather play with, napoleons? richard nixons? or your own?

Well mine's still formly inside my head thankyou... Maybe Napoleon. I could make him into a candle-holder...

11.) what's the code to get unlimited lives in the nintendo game "contra"?

I have noooo idea. I stopped watching Gamesmaster when I was like eight years old. it probably involved a lot of direction buttons and random pressing of A and B.

12.) how old were you when you realized that everyone you ever met was a total liar, including yourself?

I'm not sure if it's good or bad that I'm apparently too niaeve to have completely come to that conclusion yet... Well... not TOTAL liars anyway... partial liars. People generally tell the truth if it proves more profitable.

13.) have you ever given someone directions that were intentionally false? and if so, where did you send them?

To completely the wrong side of town. Round the one-way system. Because every time I tried to give them directions they got it wrong. Because people only ever listen to the first two directions anyway so he would have got out of the street alright but hell knows where he'd have ended up after that...

14.) if you had to choose between the power to attract catastrophically large asteroids like a magnet, or to make retarded puppies appear out of thin air at will, which one would you go for?

PUPPIES!
Would they all be wearing cones? And runing into doors and stuff? That would be so cute...

15.) you liked at least ONE milli vanilli song. but which one WAS it?

Aren't they the ones who had to give back their grammy...? I like the one they did AFTER they were outed as fakers. The one they had to sing for themselves? The one that was so horrendously bad they can now count it as one of TV's funniest moments...?

16.) even though the terms "ants" and "magnifying glass" appear NOWHERE in ANY religious texts, do you still think that it's a sin? ( you KNOW what.... don't even pretend like you don't)

Well you've got to give Bush a little time... he's busy re-writing history at the moment, I'm sure he'll get to the Bible eventually...

17.) if you HAD to write a song about "manifest destiny" what would the 3rd, 7th, and 9th words be in that song?

Destiny, it, me

(Looked up destiny in the dictionary, it told me to stop searching because the answer would come when it was damn good and ready)

18.) Gilligans island would have been 100% funnier if gilligan had __________ the skipper

Stranded the Skipper on the island from Lost and left him stranded in a bunker with the crazy french woman from babylon 5...

19.) true or false, buhddas teachings can all be summed up by private hudson in the movie "aliens" screaming "that's it... game over man .. GAME OVER!!!!"

False, but they can be summed up by "Play Again? Y/N"

20.) when you were a little kid, did you ever take a map, find where you lived on it, and slowly move your finger towards that spot, and as your finger got closer and closer to touching down, did you look over your shoulder and out the window to see if you could see a giant finger coming out of the sky?

Uhh... no. But I did draw a big circle arounf my town so I always knew where I was.

21.) you don't REALLY understand how color televison works... DO you?

Sadly, I actually do...

22.) has anyone in your family ever uttered the phrase "Too wet to plow, too windy to haul rocks." and if so... what in the FUCK do YOU think they were trying to tell you?

That it's too wet to plough and too windy to haul rocks, I would assume. Scottish farmers can be quite literal, you know.

23.) your favorite way to deal with telemarketers ( other than totally caving in and buying shit like a complete sucker. )

Is to put THEM on hold. Or alternately start screaming then slam the phone down.

24.) if you have ever played an RPG video game, have you ever given your charachter a name like " mr. poo-face" or " fucktard" just so you could giggle every time one of the characters in the game started talking to you? if so, what was the name?

No, but I did make Charlie call one of her cows Hugh when she was playing Harvest Moon.

25.) when someone calls you on the phone and you are sound asleep, how long does it take you to figure out that "hello" is what you are supposed to say? have you ever said anything else? what did you say?

It takes me usually until I've crawled out of bed, crossed the room, fumbled for the phone in the dark, stared at it for a moment and THEN scrabbled for the memory of how to speak...

26.) ____________ would be a WHOLE lot cooler if it had wheels on it.

The dog... I mean really, have you ever seen a dog try to skate? That would be hilarious... his cone would act like a sail...

27.) what's your fondest memory involving thumbtacks?

Sticking them into the soles of shoes so they made really annoying clicking noises on the stone-floored halls at school...

28.)i would support a measure legally chaning the name of the "CAPS LOCK" key on all keyboards to "_______________"

THE SHOUT BUTTON!!

29.) if the transporter system from "star trek" were invented tomorrow, what is probably the very FIRST way in which you would abuse it badly enough to get yours taken away?

I would probably use it to transport myself repeatedly (but "accidentally") into Hugh Jackman's bathroom while he's showering.

30.) WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE GODDAMN BAND?????

Do I look that fucking decisive to you??????